the end is the beginning is the end

i'm moving my blog to a new site. I'm in a different place now than I was when I started this and i figure it's time for a change. the new one is at xvaudevillainx.tumblr.com . I'll always leave this one up incase you want to reminisce.

i left my conscience pressed between the pages of the bible in the drawer, what did it even do for me i say? it never calms me when i'm down...

its nice to know that after all thats happened things can still be like they used to, that you can still walk right by and not even acknowledge me. i guess you had your reasons, i mean, my friends were there, they were probably doing some hoodlum type things or whatever it is they do. but don't you miss me just a little bit? when i call you and you're always doing work isnt there a little part of you that wants to stop being so damned principled and just talk to me? maybe i never really understood you and i was just fooling myself, but i don't believe that. you're far too good for me. that is all there is to it.

my tiffany blews

hello there angela martin

telenovela

hemingway could write a story in six words, I'm giving myself a paragraph.

There was once a man and a woman. The man was truly just a boy with a career and the woman was really a dreamer but a pragmatist by day. Together they lived alone in a decadently modern queen sized bed in a New England town populated by whites and those of a white disposition. On those certain occasions that it was convenient they would have conversations and meals and make love. They never spoke of how miserable they were. Their love was tacit, but very much existent. When they reached the appropriate age they had children, two girls and a boy, who were all bright and attractive, excelled in their education, and went on to lead fulfilling lives. As they aged they became more quiet and more in love. They indulged themselves by buying a new king sized bed. They became old and one day the woman was stricken ill and died some time shortly after. They man became sullen and although he no longer felt comfortable in it, he died in his sleep in their king sized bed several months later. Upon reaching heaven he was greeted by his wife who ran to embrace him and gasped "Darling, I'd been so lonely without you."

fuck ben roethelsberger

this is it, kid
all the stories were true when they lied to you
this is true love
this is the catharsis of heaven and hell
i'm your favorite enemy
i'm a mick and a dago all in one
i'm sinatra and brando
i'm the packers and the niners
you're my league
the only reason i exist
love is smiling as your house burns down
love is one part happiness
and ten parts misery
love is a faulknerized hemingway novel
love is futile war and meaningless friendship
love is every high school movie
drinking, fucking, drinking, happy ending
love is 151 on an empty stomach
and a hangover from hell
you warned me once
of everything
of how fucked up this would make me
but love is ignoring all the warnings
love is pure brutal honesty
trust me, i wouldnt lie about it

one time my dad cought me a horseshoe crab, and i asked him if throwin it back into the sea would bring our love back

i know, i suck, i'm a useless piece of shit,
but even though sometimes i wish i wasn't
i'm in love with you,
and when i close my eyes
i'm tracing patterns on the small of your back
and your ohsosoft hair is entangling me
tying me in sailors knots
keeping me wrapped around you forever.
but i'm scared,
cus i went to hell and back last time
i cant do it again.
so here's my new years resolution,
'I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs,
but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me'
this year i'm not afraid.

----
one more bonus to close out 2008
heres the song i recorded with zeke for you, it'll be on itunes in a month or so and you can own a little part of me.

tentatively titled "Evander Holyfield and the Secret of My Success"

v1
sometimes i wonder why you're still around
i think you wonder that too
i hide my cocaine heart
beneath coffee ground wit
but you'll sniff me out eventually

chorus
press me between the pages of your favorite book
wear me in a locket, that you're father gave you
melt me in a candle, take a deep breath
i'll be the scent that you can't sleep without

v2
keep me posted on whatever you decide
cause i've made a record
of every time i chose to lie
it reads like a calendar
you can keep it as my will

change will come, but i will never believe in anything again

"It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all.
I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away.
If a stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day.

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost.
It's not right

Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants and this is what
she wants
Then why is there so much pain?"

i'm sorry if i've been distant lately
i've had a lot on my mind.
it was about this time three years ago my parents split up.
i've never really talked about it with anyone.
a part of me wants to desperately,
but the rest of me would rather pretend it didn't happen.
you talk about the old me,
but you never really knew the old me.
i guess i was always a little abrasive,
but before it happened, i wasn't like this.
i'm just a statistic now.
i'm just the byproduct of one of 50% of american marriages that fail.