"go haunt someone else"

this is how we do:
we make promises we cant keep and break the ones that we can
we laugh at each others expense and laugh even harder at yours
we treat serious conversations like the plague by responding to honesty with sarcasm
we treat no one with respect and we show no remorse
we are not good people
we get by feeling ok by just so long as everyone else feels like shit
i had never stopped to look at what i was because i have broken every self editing bone in my body
from the moment you hit puberty they pound into your mind that you should love yourself and be happy with yourself because every teenager feels like shit
and it worked. for some horribly twisted reason I am actually pleased with myself
I can't believe that I can live with myself but I can
it should not work this way, not everyone should love themself
if a man kills his wife for cheating he should feel pleased with himself or disgusted or guilty or depressed but he should not love himself after he has taken another human being out of this world
sometimes I think I may have killed you just a little bit inside
its when I’m thinking that that I think about killing a little bit of myself
fair trade right?
might as well kill the sarcasm and the cynicism, who needs them?
I just hope they’d be replaced with kindness and the like
but when a lizard regrows a severed limb, does it have the same attachment to the replacement?
does it think to itself “this leg can never really live up to the old one, too many memories”
what if sarcasm is my version of the old leg, what if I need it to define me?
everything is finally starting to make sense these days
but I’m scared and I’m confused

I want to leave my mind and take a stroll
just so I can walk all over my own ego
I want to knock myself down a peg or two

I was in usa today (damn you leftist liberal media)

suck on this bitches.

love, love, love (love, love)

I always thought it was funny that you not only fall in love, but also out of love.
at first I thought "well if you can fall out of love with someone wouldn't you have had to climb into love with them"
but climbing implies that you are going up, and love can only bring you down.
sure, there are those fleeting moments of happiness but in the end your lover only dies, or moves on, I'm not sure which is worse.
It's like jumping off a tall building, for the time you're in the air it probably feels like flying, but you still have to hit pavement eventually.
but falling out of love is no better, its not like once its over you climb back into normal life and move on,
falling out of love is watching from heaven as they clean the blood off the sidewalk, the whole time thinking "why the fuck did I jump?"
so ultimately in life we have two choices, to jump or not to, obviously nobody wants to end up as overtime for immigrant janitors, but if you never jump, you don't get that fleeting experience of flying.
we should just stop building skyscrapers.

iDay has arrived

here I am sitting in the iLine on the cold cement at bay street. It's not that bad, only about 7 hours to go, I cant wait to get my hands on the iPhone.

there are no elegant word plays or metaphors in this entry, its just me

I guess this is how I would blog if I weren't so desperately self involved, but we'll get to that later. I'm writing this because I feel like a piece of shit for what I'm about to do, and maybe talking about it will help. Tommorow, the almighty iPhone comes out, and I will be one of the thousands of people across the nation to line up outside an apple store to be one of the first to touch that beautiful glass screen. Seems fairly normal, but its not. This is my last day in the bay before I leave for two weeks, and there are important things I should be doing, important things I should be saying to people, but I'm not. Well to be fair, I am here saturday too, but the fall out boy show is that day. See? this is exactly my point, my love for the material is taking over my life, and slowly replacing the people I love. I wish I didn't care about fall out boy and gadgets and expensive fucking hoodies as much as I do, but it's become my escape. where's a fucking 12 step when you need one?

"i put my faith in you so much baby, and you just threw it away..."

I try so hard to make it look like I'm not trying
but now its your turn to try and hear me out.
yes, it's true that curves dont't make the woman
but if it weren't for those parabolas all these hyperboles would be in vain.
I swam to the bottom of lake
then in a series of air bubbles spoke the words "I love you"
let them float to the surface, and burst into thin air.
the oxygen, nitrogen and carbon dioxide molecules that made up those three words were slowly replaced by liquid hydrogen and oxygen as my lungs experienced what us common folk call drowning, and as those bubbles I had formed so carefully burst one by one, color and expression drained from my face, leaving this contorted look of sadness.
I hope one day I'll be able to put my smile back,
but no one can escape science.

"the capgun cowboy caught playing dress-up"

when I get sad I wrap myself up in songs to make it all seem less real
all the "i loved everything about you that hurts" and the "I won't let them take you"s
somehow make it just a little bit better.
but when I'm happy I'm just wrapped up in thoughts of you
sometimes that just makes me sad and bitter all over again
and the songs turn to "baby I'm bad news" and "widow or divorcee"
I'm embarrassed to say that I love all your mysteries
there are so many things about you that I love not knowing.

I pray that one day you will forgive me for the things I didn't do
and give me the strength to do the things I know I should.