I'm in love with love songs

and frank sinatra.

"she took pity on me horizontally, but most likely because of my band"

its just one of those days
not mondays or tuesdays or wednesdays
more like the "it depends" days.
I know that you depend on him
just cause it reminds me so much of how I depend on you.
then come the thurdays, fridays
and "it doesnt matter" days.
no, that's not right,
whatever "it" is, it sure as hell matters more than me.
hemingway's most famous work is his shortest novel
but by far the most poignant, and a fantastic way to end his career
because it was just a few years later that he put a shotgun in his mouth
and pulled the trigger with his big toe.
in the book, an old, dirt poor fisherman gets lost at sea
only to realize he's made the biggest catch of his life.
but since he's so far out, by the time he gets back to shore
the sharks have eaten the fish to the bone.
I don't think I've ever connected with a person
in quite the way that that I relate to that old man.
but maybe I'm more of a tortured genius type
like the author himself.
cause people keep telling me that they like what I do
my twisted little sentences and my dry jokes
but I just feel like a hack, or some fucking charity case.
do I really look so self deprecated that I need your vapid, jejune and hackneyed compliments?
because I'm an arrogant prick about everything else in this so called life of mine
but when it comes to this lackluster creativity, I fall short.

I've got my big toe ready but california gun control is keeping me from my shotgun.

if only you could see me, we'd dance like a heart attack

this isn't a traditional post, but these lyrics have been going through my mind for lyrics and I need to post them. the song is "me & my friends" by kevin devine, seriously check him out, he's amazing. and don't take any of it too literally.

Me and my friends, we don't encourage discipline
Or really much of anything
We do our drugs to wheel it up and tell ourselves that this is love
But it's never added up
And it'll never be enough, no it'll never be enough

The same corner booth
The same Smith Street bar
The same sour mouths
The same empty arms
Forever and ever, our lives on a loop

It's the same dollar drafts
The same whiskey words
The same hanging hearts
The same old scorched earth
Further and further, away from the truth

I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
But it's the only life I know how to live

Make a mess of what matters, give our good grace away
We try to drink the clock backwards, and pretend like nothing's changed
But you think I'm a liar and you think I'm a fake
And I think you're a coward, but that's not what I say
I call you my brother
And you call me the same

I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
But it's the only life I know how to live

I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
I wanna stop it
Let the smeared words spill out of the sides of our mouths
Go be my ghost and I'll go be yours

But tonight, brother pour me one more
But tonight, brother pour me one more
Yea tonight, I'll just cut you one more
Yea tonight, I'll just cut you one more
One more, one more

seriously, what the fuck are dreams made of?

I-
it seams that this one letter controls my life lately
but I guess as I know that it goes before e (except after c) I'm probably good.
I live too much in the first person, wish that just for once I could take a peek under your skin
not in the adolescent way, I want to look deep down and find out everything about you
every one of those freckled little cells means so damn much to me, I wish I knew what made them tick
but sometimes it feels like I don't know you, and I don't even know what about you I'm still missing.
I could loose both of these ohsospecial opposable thumbs, and I think I'd be just fine,
but I can't imagine a life without you, and i have nightmares about living it.
my problem is that I'm a hopeless romantic, hopelessly stuck in a cynic's shell
because to me everyone and everythng was so fucked from the beginning
but somehow the concept of love seems to burn in my mind, giving me something to look for in this fucked up life
you have always been my northern star, always stayed true, guided me no matter how bad it got.
now you've finished one more rotation around a star, do you feel more whole? do you feel closer to where you're going?
I don't know where this is going, but I'm just so full of questions.

cracked open and filled with sugar coated instability,
this is your pinata signing off