"old people teach us nothing but how to die"

I think I'm ready to stop trying to hide these annoying little feelings
I know that I should be ashamed of the fact that I dont care how much "us" would hurt him
but I'll wear it on my sleeve, make sure everyone knows that I love you
so that maybe you'll know one day too.

I love you like toes love being buried in the sand, like marykate loves not eating.

its been three seasons since that one that mattered most
but I can see every part of it as clear as I can see the hands that type this (who knows what controls them)
I had built such a perfect sand castle with gate of laughter and a moat of bravado and intimidation
a room for every mistake, a hallway for every friend, and special dungeon that none of the hallways could get to where I kept my heart
and then you came and in a series of magnifect breaths, brought everything I had known to the ground
I wanted to let it all just wash away in the tides but instead I dug my toes in to try and hold on to fractures of my past
until I knew I was ready to move on
then summer came to the end and beach games were done.
and now I'm turning around the corner of spring
and to my own horror I see that sand castle there just like before
but with more rooms and a bigger moat
and it looks like someone raided the dungeon while I was gone.

people make love when they can't find it

loves a funny thing
we spend forever searching for the one perfect person
and when we finally find them we just keep searching, because thats what we've done all our life
then finally settle down with that "well I guess you'll do" person
and spend the rest of our lives turning over different outcomes in our head, wondering why we didnt take #547.
I wish I could've believed myself when I said "you were just another intersection on the road to my ms. perfect"
but the fact is that you were the cul de sac on tht road,
and I made the mistake of going all the way around it.
sometimes we pick b just because a, c and d all suck more
but sometimes we skip straight to c because we know from the first instant that no matter what a, b and d say, c is just right.
I wish it had been as simple as bubbling you in
but when I read it I knew that it wasnt multiple choice, it was an essay question.

the internet makes everyone a star

so this is what its come to.
i wish i could say that this was a last resort
that I had no one left to confide in
that this mess of communication we call the internet was really the only person I had left
but its not
i have too many people who care about me to feel this empty
but I do
and I should be talking to them
but I'm talking to you.
there's a clock in the corner that doesn't move but ticks
I hear every second go by but the minutes just keep piling up
I hate it
I hate not being able to throw away all those wasted minutes and have just the tick tick ticks to deal with
coming on one year with nothing to show
i keep taking my time, you keep taking opportunites and we both could be making so much more out of it
but its easier to just feel sorry for myself
and listen to the tick tticks