if it's not love it's the bomb that'll bring us together

sometimes i wonder why you're still around,
i think you wonder that too.
you've said it yourself,
i revel in the things you hate.
i hope you're not here because you feel obligated to be
'I damaged him, i have to fix him'
but I'm not your charge.
i think i know the real reason you're here.
because two and a half years later
I'm still begging you to be.
and i know its wearing thin,
and yes its true
that sometimes i lie
when i know the truth sucks worse,
and sometimes i exaggerate
when im not good enough on my own.
but i'm betting at this point
that you can read me better than him,
and you can see right through me,
inside im just a scarred kid.

smile.
you light up the whole world.

you're the girl of my dreams, and a pistol it seems, but you shoot me straight and true. time to lay down my bets, honey i put my money on you

happy birthday to me,
jake barnes, master of apathy.
captain ahab, driven only by aggression.
holden caulfield, just a little bit crazy.
joe kavalier, angry at the world.
jay gatsby, hopelessly self-absorbed.
its clear that all my favorite authors love to write about me.

"They would not find me changed from him they knew — Only more sure of all I thought was true."

this times different
the feeling is foreign.
i've been hiding the cocaine of my heart
beneath the coffee grounds of my sarcasm.
i don't want him to hate me,
i don't want to hate him,
i don't want anyone to hate him,
but you don't want to believe that.
robert frost was born in san francisco
just like me,
but he left for new england,
and all i can do is wish new england would come to me.
he said famously
"nothing gold can stay."
its strange that he was writing about us so long ago.

You know that you are not alone, I need you like water in my lungs

"Consider this a letter that I never sent
However inconsiderate it seems
Do you still consider me,
consider me the boy you laughed with
or that you learned to live without?... I suck,
I know I'm late,
I know you waited

You wouldn't get me on the phone
And you couldn't make me not alone

My phone bills stacked up by my bedside,
with your picture, you're looking surprised
You're what makes New England so great
My island nights are all spent dying
Wait for summer to become wrought with lips,
my wishful thinking"

i've got troubled thoughts and a self-esteem to match, what a catch

i can't let this go.
she says i should let you go.
i withdraw again within my books.

"All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby-Dick. He piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart's shell upon it."

Eram quod es, eris quod sum

I am not an angel or a god,
a prince or even a lord.
i am in no way noble
or remotely divine,
and my morals are questionable at best.
so how do you expect me to do this?
decide the undecidable.
this is what happens when an unstoppable force
meets an immovable object.

my mind is is trudging along,
dropped out of the race,
stumbling along the sidelines.
and i can't even look at you without hurting
so my eyes flick to the door,
praying she'll save me,
that someone will show me the answers
give me a sign,
make up my mind.

i've taken myself off course too many times now,
so take the reigns,
i'll be anything you want me to be.
i wasn't lying when I said I'd never be over you,
but you're such a big part of me,
maybe i'll just never get over myself.
they say i'm gifted,
but im still just a scared kid.

she's beautiful when the rain damps her hair
and the fog of my breath makes her eyes gleam like headlights.
and i want to be her tough guy - sam spade
but i'm in love with you
still not sure about her.