forget your compass and stars, this world will tear you apart

dear god,
I'm not quite sure if you're up there, or anywhere,
I'm not sure why I'm writing this
and if you do exist, I'm not sure if I want you to know this.
But I have to write it.
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, if you haven't noticed,
and I bet I'm not your favorite son, but you should know that I'm trying.
maybe I just want to convince myself that I'm trying.
I bet people like me aren't on your divine radar
so I guess I'll do some explaining.
I'm not really proud of the things I do
but I know that I do them well,
I know that I'm doing my very fucking best
and I really want you to know that too.
usually when I write I can get a little podantic,
indulge myself with big words
but I bet you get enough of that from prayers.
I want you to know who I am.
I don't want you to pass me over, just another kid.
please
please remember this.
do you get this a lot?
ok, I'll try something else
remember this
remember the things I love
the things like falling asleep to the sound of rain on my windows
tapping my foot to love songs
walking through cities alone at night
staring at the stars from rooftops
laughing myself silly
my friends
drinking tea in a warm cabin surrounded by snow.
is that enough?
please tell me that I wont be forgotten
I'm so scarred
I'm so scarred.
this isn't the only letter I've written today,
when I woke up I wrote a letter to my future self
one line
it read "it only gets better"
because I know I can make myself happy in life,
its making everybody else happy I'm worried about
and making you happy.

Please show me that you know I exist.
I'm your biggest fan.
I'm your worst enemy, but I'm trying to change all that,
I'm done ruining the good you create.
Please remember me.
-andrew