"go haunt someone else"

this is how we do:
we make promises we cant keep and break the ones that we can
we laugh at each others expense and laugh even harder at yours
we treat serious conversations like the plague by responding to honesty with sarcasm
we treat no one with respect and we show no remorse
we are not good people
we get by feeling ok by just so long as everyone else feels like shit
i had never stopped to look at what i was because i have broken every self editing bone in my body
from the moment you hit puberty they pound into your mind that you should love yourself and be happy with yourself because every teenager feels like shit
and it worked. for some horribly twisted reason I am actually pleased with myself
I can't believe that I can live with myself but I can
it should not work this way, not everyone should love themself
if a man kills his wife for cheating he should feel pleased with himself or disgusted or guilty or depressed but he should not love himself after he has taken another human being out of this world
sometimes I think I may have killed you just a little bit inside
its when I’m thinking that that I think about killing a little bit of myself
fair trade right?
might as well kill the sarcasm and the cynicism, who needs them?
I just hope they’d be replaced with kindness and the like
but when a lizard regrows a severed limb, does it have the same attachment to the replacement?
does it think to itself “this leg can never really live up to the old one, too many memories”
what if sarcasm is my version of the old leg, what if I need it to define me?
everything is finally starting to make sense these days
but I’m scared and I’m confused

I want to leave my mind and take a stroll
just so I can walk all over my own ego
I want to knock myself down a peg or two